Federer...Still Gay

I think this is an apt time to revisit one of my first posts here on Children of the Kemp, and a classic if I do say so myself. Go back and read what I wrote about The Fed over a year ago, and now look at this ridiculous ensemble he is gallivanting around Wimbledon in.



Another great thing is that when you search "Federer" in google, the first autocomplete is "Federer crying". Hilarious.

"Bad Boy" Ricky Barnes

Ricky Barnes officially shit all over the plastic sheets on his bed today and did not win the US Open. Nope, that honor went to Danny Glover, who knew he was so good at golf?


Your new US Open Champion!


More importantly, a friend who once followed Barnes' pathetic ass around a Nationwide event at Dominion Country Club told me that his nickname is "Bad Boy" Ricky Barnes...

Look at a picture of Ricky Barnes real quick, and it is ridiculous to think about how he possibly came to be called "Bad Boy"




I like to think it is because he gets shit-hammered, bangs lots of chicks, and looks like that. But I'm more inclined to think he is the "Bad Boy" who flirts with everyone else's caddy and always drinks one too many appletinis.

In Game Summary - Louisville v. Maryland

Okay, right now there is 14:06 left in the game between Louisville and Maryland in the NCAA Women's basketball tournament. Maryland is the #1 seed and Louisvillee is the #3 seed. Right now L'ville is up 10. If my theory holds true, Louisville should end up blowing out Maryland because they are now up by 10 points and Maryland will start to throw in the towel soon. Lets see if the theory holds up...

Mel Kiper vs. Todd McShay

Does it get any more entertaining than watching Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay go at it in NFL pre-draft debates? I actually feel for Mel in these debates because he's been THE man for the past 20 odd years or so, and then all of a sudden ESPN starts using Todd McShay all over the place, making him in some respects second fiddle. It all makes for tremendous TV. Here's the battle they had yesterday:

Digging into the Archives...

Now that Tim Lincecum has won the 2008 Cy Young Award, it seems appropriate to dig into the COTK archives and pull out this blast from the past from 2008:

With a new season about to begin, in the San Francisco Bay Area, pretty much all hopes are hinged upon the two right arms of Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum. If the season is a disaster, which it looks like it will, at least Giants fans will have two young fireballers to get excited about. To find out who is the better man, I imagine what it would be like to find yourself lined up next to one of them in a public restroom, at the urinals.

Matt Cain:
If I ever turned and realize it was Matt Cain standing next me taking a piss, I think I'd be so shocked I'd probably piss a little too straight on at the urinal, reflecting piss all over my pants. After recovering from that, I'd turn and go "Matt, where do you live? Me and all my buddies think we could all be best friends. Lets hang out." Matt, as a seeming type zero personality would probably respond by saying "Okay." I'd take a second to figure out if he was talking to me or just generally saying "Okay" because he'd had a successful pissing session. Whatever conclusion I would come to, it would probably be a negative one.

Tim Lincecum:
First off, lining up next to Timmy Franchise Lincecum would probably mean you were at the adult urinal and he was at the mini one. But, if that were the case, and I ever looked next to me and at the mini urinal was Tim Lincecum, major league stud, then that would be a bad bad thing. A very bad thing. If you're a major league pitcher, and you're using the mini urinal, you need to seriously readdress your situation in life.

I guess with all that being said, I don't think I could ever have to positive interactions with either Tim Lincecum or Matt Cain in a public restroom.

Kemp of the Week - Adam Morrison

Remember him? Remember that lasting image of the 2006 NCAA tournament - his on the court in tears after their brutal loss to UCLA? Well, in case you've forgotten about him he's sucking it up in the NBA right now for the Charlotte Bobcats. Averaging a little better than 15 minutes a game, still playing god awful defense, and still sporting a horrifically ugly haircut. So in honor of that image from three years ago, congratulations Adam Morrison, you're our Kemp of the Week.

Hallelujah! Schilling Retires!

Thank the good lord almighty, we won't ever have to see Curt Schilling pitch in the major leagues ever again. Unfortunately, I'm pretty confident we'll still be hearing about his absurd blog posts, conservative political commentary, and full on hatred for everyone and anyone associated with steroids. Nevertheless, this is a good day for baseball. The biggest a-hole in the league has retired.